Dump It!

Yesterday I took a huge dump!  Now, before you say, "Oh come on Gayle" and are instantly repulsed by my overt confession, and before you declare this to be T.M.I., let me explain.

Day 5 of Temple Training is about dumping all the negative thoughts about my life, myself, and others.  It's about dumping negativity; my own and people if I need to, in my life that create it.  It's about dumping all the excuses I've made in the past and the one's that I make for myself regularly.  It's about dumping the whining and martyrdom (now this is a BIG one for me) as if no one understands my situation, my circumstances or my challenges and if they did, they would understand me better - waaah!  And finally it's about dumping old patterns and thought processes.  So I made a long list of all the hurts, the people who bring me down, the things I whine about, and all the negative challenges in my life.  I wrote the list on toilet paper (naturally, that's what you need when you're taking a dump, right?).  Once the list was made, I asked God's forgiveness for all the stored up stinkin'-thinkin' and flushed it right down the toilet!

Once a year on the Day of Atonement, when the priests in the temple offered washing for the people from their year-long sins, one person was selected to take all the waste, (the useless remains of the animals sacrificed; guts, bones, skin) including the dung of the animals, far away from the community of faith, to be utterly destroyed by fire.  This was followed by a very specific cleansing and washing process in preparation to re-enter the community. (Leviticus 16:27-28).

You see, there is a lot of waste in our lives, things not suitable for worship, not suitable for sacrifice, and unhealthy for every member of a community of faith.  There is a lot of dung, (pardon the pun), that has got to be dumped and destroyed.  Yet, we've become content to live with it, I know I had.  This waste is not conducive to pure worship and it taints and contaminates my thinking and life of contentment in whatever circumstances I am in.  It creates a whole lot of disease or dis-ease and the result is stinkin'-thinkin'.  The longer I sit in my dung-heap, the less I recognize the stench of it.  But, believe me, others do!  And for certain, our Heavenly Father does.  In fact, He gives us this instruction from Philippians 4:8:

"...whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and loveable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things - fix your minds on them." (The Amplified Bible) 

Why is this instruction so important?  Because scripture says, "As a man thinketh, so is he."(Prov.23:7)  We pollute every aspect of our being to the point of actually becoming the rubbish in our lives we complain about!  It hinders our growth, it hinders our relationship, it even hinders our usefulness in worship, and it rubs off onto others!  Before you know it, we're surrounded by the very negativity we can't stand, never realizing we created this dung heap!

Now mind you, ridding ourselves of this foul habit is NOT going to be easy!  So, during my Temple Training, I am keeping a roll of TP on my desk with a marker pen, so that every day those thoughts from the day before that I want to dump, I write down and flush away!  Doing this regularly in prayer, repentance, and physical action, is a sure cure for stinkin'-thinkin'.  But, this isn't enough.  Next to my desk I have a "Blessings Wall."  Each day, I write the blessings and positive things from the day before on a sticky note and post it to the wall as a reminder of God's goodness and provision in my life, things worthy of praise.  I am reminded that I have to FIX my mind on these things and flush away the other.  I need to regularly, even daily, take a dump!

It is my goal in my Temple Training, to find myself responding to negativity with positivity, compassion, and praise.  It's my goal to become one who seeks the solution instead of agreeing with the problem.  May I become a joyful, positive influence of sweet perfume instead of a foul smelling dung heap!

The Value of a Sparrow

So why is this Temple Training program so important to me?  Why am I putting myself through the detox from carbs with it's headaches and discomfort?  Why am I getting up and the first thing I do after saying, "Good morning, Lord" is get on the treadmill and knock out my mile?  Why am I making myself sit down and journal my reflection on the verse God gives me for the day?  The answer is because my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor 6:19-20), and I've neglected God's dwelling place too long, it's a shambles!  Because God reminded me again today of my worth. 

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  And yet not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father's leave and notice.  But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  Fear not, then; you are of more value than many sparrows." (The Amplified Bible)

Wow!  What a thought, that the Father loves me so much that He knows the very number of hairs on my head!  If He cares so much for the devalued sparrow; two for one penny, how much more does He care for me?  How much more does He desire that I KNOW His love and MY value.  The boundless worth that I am to God cost His Son His life!  That shed blood, every drop of it paid my debt, and yet, all these years I have neglected His dwelling place as though to say, "It wasn't worth it." 

My heavenly Father's sacrifice is worth some expended energy and discomfort as I work through this Temple Training.  Every calorie, every pound, every prayer, every scripture, every amount of faithfulness on my part is worth it, because he is worth it and because I am worth it.

I'm reminded of the story of the momma eagle found burned to death, still standing like a charred statue at the foot of a tree.  The fire raged fast and hot.  The mother eagle did not have time to move her precious chicks, so she placed each one on the forest floor at the foot of a large tree, gathered her babies under her wing, and there she died.  But, when the fire-fighters came to that place of smoldering embers, the sight of her statue-like heap of charred ashes was so surreal that one of them gently poked her lifeless body with a stick and out from under her wings came three baby eagles.  All of them were alive and well.  She gave her life to save theirs in a tremendous act of self-sacrifice. 

Jesus did the same thing.  He bore the cross in a raging fire-storm of human emotion while surrendering himself to the cross in order that I might be saved under the shelter of His Almighty wing into eternity, while dwelling within my heart and soul, His temple every day!  How is it I have spent so many years loving Him and yet neglecting His dwelling place, ME?  How is it that the lies of the devil have been so powerful as to persuade me to care for everyone around me, more than I care for me?  How is it, I have fallen into the trap of over-functioning while under-functioning in my own self-care?  How is it I have read and known this truth and yet turned a blind eye all these years? 

No, I don't want to move to the other extreme of a false identity I see in so many who are fitness guru's, who have gone beyond self-care and moved into self-idolization and vanity; traits God never intended for His children, yet another trap and lie of the enemy.  But, I certainly don't intend to remain here on the other side of this extreme either!  Both are sin!  Forgive me Lord, I pray.  I am overwhelmed and humbled that You desire to dwell with me.  I love you Lord!

What's In The Well Comes Up In The Bucket

My grandmother used to say, "What's in the well comes up in the bucket."  If mud is in the well, mud is coming up in the bucket, if brackish water is in the well, brackish water is coming up in the bucket.  If refreshing, pure water is in the well - you get the picture.  The same is true for what is deep within.  There are ways of thinking and responding that have shaped each of us from infancy.  We watch the patterns of family from the earliest of age, and we pick up certain unspoken cues.  There are also words spoken to us and over us, that are damagingly suppressed, and we are often unaware of the ways they shape our reactions and responses.  I remember being told by a family member at a very young age that , "You'll never amount to anything."  At the time, I didn't even know what those words meant, and over the years those words were pressed into my psyche and contributed to shaping my over-functioning, people-pleasing, achieve, achieve, achieve attributes.  But, one thing was for sure, try as hard as I might to achieve thinness, I never could.  I was a failure.  Time and time again, it was one area of my life I worked hard at, but could never achieve.  Little did I know until doing some Family Systems study, that what was showing up on the outside was the result of something going on deep in the well of my being.  Temple Training is the result of this realization.  What has to be done is to clean out the well, repair some of the foundational stones and allow it to once again be filled with living water, the Word of God.  At the same time, I am minding nutrition, exercise (which I hate but have decided I will fall in love with),  scripture reading and prayer.  Fueling and filling the temple of the Holy Spirit, God's dwelling place; my body, soul and Spirit.

This is NOT an easy task.  Yesterday was day two and I found myself drawn to the few remaining Christmas cookies gifted to us.  I stood and looked at them, I picked them up and even smelled them.  My mind was busy with reasons why one or two, "all things in moderation" wouldn't hurt.  But, each time I put them down saying out loud, "Because I'm worth it!"  That's Temple Training!  Training is NEVER easy, but it is ALWAYS worth it.  So, today with a new resolve, I begin again.

Today's passage from Colossians 3:10 becomes my prayer and reflection for today.

"...and have clothed yourself with the new [spiritual self], which is (ever in the process of being) renewed and remoulded into (fuller and more perfect knowledge upon) knowledge, after the image (the likeness) of Him who created it." (Amplified Version)

I am reminded that all these years of struggle have NOT produced a failure.  They produced symptoms that I was finally able to diagnose in light of scripture.  I am in the process of being renewed and remoulded, reshaped into a likeness of the one who created me, inside and out.  As that which is deep within is being renewed, it will be reflected on the outside, but not unless I choose to cloth myself by addressing the deeper issues that have kept me from success.  The image of God has been distorted by a confused and wounded soul, but it isn't permanent damage, hallelujah!  So, on day three, I will remind myself, each time the struggle gets difficult, that a fuller and more perfect knowledge of who I am in the eyes of my creator, is coming up in the bucket!

Renew me Lord; body, soul, and Spirit!  May what comes up in the bucket of my life become a true reflection of what is in the well as you create in me a clean heart/soul.  Erase the reckless words spoken over me as a child and perfected in me, by me,  as I have tried to "perform" my way to proving it wrong.  Help me today, just today, to be faithful to the task at hand, Temple Training!  Amen.

Faith, Fear and Frustration

Today is day two of what I am calling my "Temple Training," a program of renewing my commitment to self-care; body, soul and Spirit.  To that end, I have decided that I will embark on a journey for 2017 of daily exercise, daily nutrition, daily prayer and searching the scriptures with regard to my true identity as God sees me, and blogging my discoveries and thoughts.

Since my husband was diagnosed with an aggressive and invasive bladder cancer and has numerous other health issues, I've found myself eating in anxiety.  The scales show it along with my clothing!  I had to admit to myself that I am a walking bundle of faith, fear and frustration!  I'm frustrated easily by lots of things and lots of people, which isn't good when you're the pastor of two churches.  Lord knows, that will quickly lend you plenty of reason for frustration.  I'm frustrated with the medical world and how slow they move.  Don't they know how anxious we are for answers and to get started and for results that were supposed to come 7 days ago!  I'm frustrated with both  my husbands and my own reactions to this challenge and our ever growing range of emotions, reactions and responses.  I'm frustrated with the swings of faith and fear and frustrated with my own feelings of aloneness.

If you've dealt with a loved one with a life-threatening illness, you've probably felt the same frustrations.  I hear God asking me, "Do you still think I'm good even when you're situations aren't?  Am I only good when good is in the forecast?  Am I good even in the darkness?"  Naturally, I want to quickly respond, "YES!"  But, the truth is that my reactions and frustrations reveal more about my inner heart than I wish they did.  I realize there is a battle going on for my mind and heart. 

This battle has led me to examine each day one scripture that deals with God's love for me, who God says that I am, my identity in Christ or the building-up of my faith.

Today's passage comes from Colossians 1:11 and says,

 "[We Pray] that you may be invigorated and strengthened with all power, according to the might of His glory, (to exercise) every kind of endurance and patience (perseverance and forbearance) with joy." (Amplified version) 

The Colossian church was smack dab in the middle between Hierapolis, an "all things Greek" community with several temples, a gymnasium, a community bath house, and even a local house-church.  You could combine aspects of worship and aspects of the world into your identity in the hustle and bustle of life and no one would be surprised at your hybrid self, in fact, it would be praised!  On the other side, stood Laodicea where Paul established a church later condemned in the book of Revelation for their apathy and ambivalence toward the faith; they were neither hot nor cold, just lukewarm. 

There in the middle were the Colossians receiving this word to be invigorated and strengthened with all power, according to the might of His glory, not my own power and ability!  His glory -  is His victory over sin and death!  By His victory, I can be victorious!  However, this victory is in direct relation to my endurance, patience and forbearance (self-control) with joy.  YIKES!  And here is my battle! 

I'm therefore reminded today, that my test can be my testimony.  I don't want to stand out and be praised for my broad-mindedness and openness to adopting many aspects of our culture and religious world-views, but for my single-mindedness in Christ.  And, I also don't want to - in my time of emotional, physical and spiritual exhaustion - become apathetic and ambivalent in my pursuit of passion in ministry.  I don't want to have a form of religion while denying the power thereof!  God forbid!!!   So, between these same two poles, with all the same influences that the Colossians faced, right in the middle of the crazy mixed-up world they lived, they were called to exercise; not in the gymnasium of the Greek gods, but in the gymnasium of the recollection of Christ's victory and with the power of His Holy Spirit, my helper, and be patient with others and with myself.

So my prayer is, "Lord, help me today encounter each negativity with a response of victory and joyfulness, reminding myself and others that You have already overcome and therefore so can I!  Invigorate and strengthen me for the day as I keep my eyes on YOU and not on this storm!  In Jesus Name, Amen!"