Since my husband was diagnosed with an aggressive and invasive bladder cancer and has numerous other health issues, I've found myself eating in anxiety. The scales show it along with my clothing! I had to admit to myself that I am a walking bundle of faith, fear and frustration! I'm frustrated easily by lots of things and lots of people, which isn't good when you're the pastor of two churches. Lord knows, that will quickly lend you plenty of reason for frustration. I'm frustrated with the medical world and how slow they move. Don't they know how anxious we are for answers and to get started and for results that were supposed to come 7 days ago! I'm frustrated with both my husbands and my own reactions to this challenge and our ever growing range of emotions, reactions and responses. I'm frustrated with the swings of faith and fear and frustrated with my own feelings of aloneness.
If you've dealt with a loved one with a life-threatening illness, you've probably felt the same frustrations. I hear God asking me, "Do you still think I'm good even when you're situations aren't? Am I only good when good is in the forecast? Am I good even in the darkness?" Naturally, I want to quickly respond, "YES!" But, the truth is that my reactions and frustrations reveal more about my inner heart than I wish they did. I realize there is a battle going on for my mind and heart.
This battle has led me to examine each day one scripture that deals with God's love for me, who God says that I am, my identity in Christ or the building-up of my faith.
Today's passage comes from Colossians 1:11 and says,
"[We Pray] that you may be invigorated and strengthened with all power, according to the might of His glory, (to exercise) every kind of endurance and patience (perseverance and forbearance) with joy." (Amplified version)
The Colossian church was smack dab in the middle between Hierapolis, an "all things Greek" community with several temples, a gymnasium, a community bath house, and even a local house-church. You could combine aspects of worship and aspects of the world into your identity in the hustle and bustle of life and no one would be surprised at your hybrid self, in fact, it would be praised! On the other side, stood Laodicea where Paul established a church later condemned in the book of Revelation for their apathy and ambivalence toward the faith; they were neither hot nor cold, just lukewarm.
There in the middle were the Colossians receiving this word to be invigorated and strengthened with all power, according to the might of His glory, not my own power and ability! His glory - is His victory over sin and death! By His victory, I can be victorious! However, this victory is in direct relation to my endurance, patience and forbearance (self-control) with joy. YIKES! And here is my battle!
I'm therefore reminded today, that my test can be my testimony. I don't want to stand out and be praised for my broad-mindedness and openness to adopting many aspects of our culture and religious world-views, but for my single-mindedness in Christ. And, I also don't want to - in my time of emotional, physical and spiritual exhaustion - become apathetic and ambivalent in my pursuit of passion in ministry. I don't want to have a form of religion while denying the power thereof! God forbid!!! So, between these same two poles, with all the same influences that the Colossians faced, right in the middle of the crazy mixed-up world they lived, they were called to exercise; not in the gymnasium of the Greek gods, but in the gymnasium of the recollection of Christ's victory and with the power of His Holy Spirit, my helper, and be patient with others and with myself.
So my prayer is, "Lord, help me today encounter each negativity with a response of victory and joyfulness, reminding myself and others that You have already overcome and therefore so can I! Invigorate and strengthen me for the day as I keep my eyes on YOU and not on this storm! In Jesus Name, Amen!"
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