Yesterday, was just such a day with its multiple phone calls from John's Hopkins that said we were to be there on Monday. So, I email my professor saying I won't be in class on Monday and I rearrange my schedule. No, wait (I write him back), they have called again and changed that. Now it's Tuesday, so I will be in class on Monday, again, I rearrange my schedule. I paid the bills, proofed the bulletins and the Power-points for Sunday, created a "care coverage chart," set up folks to do my shut-in visitation, etc., etc., etc. I've got this. Who am I fooling, I don't got this!
Hear that? That's the quirky hidden side of me I don't want folks to see. It's that part of my brain that wants to remind me of how small I am, how incapable I am of keeping up the façade that I am on top of it all. A confidant, capable, secure woman of God able to leap tall buildings with a single bound. Able to slay the fire-breathing dragons charging toward me, all the while, keeping the plates spinning in my juggling act of life. Yep, I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan. But don't expect that I will put up the gas nozzle before pulling away from the pump! I do dumb things like that!
What's up with that? How is it I can be so darned capable and forget to put away the gas nozzle? That's the other side I'm talking about. And, when that side starts to unravel and leave a dangling trail of thread that lets you know, I DON'T actually have it all together, I'm unnerved! Why? Because, the world has convinced me that my value is found in my doing.
Value isn't in the things done for others. Value can't be earned. True value and worth are found in the eyes of the creator, the One who died for me simply because I was worth it! All the rest of my busyness, is only empty vanity. Yesterday, in a moment of feeling like I was unraveling, I used a life-line and phoned a friend. She said, "Gayle, first of all, stop and breathe." Simple instructions that remind me I need to stop and consider that growing anxiety within me. How else will I know until it's too late, and in my frayed state, say or do something I will later regret. It's in times like this that the scripture found in Deuteronomy 32:10-11 really speaks to me:
" He sustained him in a desert land, in a howling wilderness waste; he shielded him, cared for him,
guarded him as the apple of his eye. As an eagle stirs up its nest, and hovers over its young;
as it spreads its wings, takes them up, and bears them aloft on its pinions." (New Revised Standard Version)
You see, I'm just a lump of clay, there's no real value in me. Except in the hands of the potter who shapes, fashions and creates something valuable out of me. I am the apple of my Father's eye! He takes care of my every need when I'm in the desert place in the howling wilderness waste! Not only that, but He shields me from the fire-breathing dragon. God's so adores me, that He hovers over me as a mother eagle hovers over her nest. But, how will I notice it in my over-functioning business, as if I can manage the howling wilderness myself! How would I notice God's desire to bear me up above the clamor of craziness and angst, unless I stopped long enough to breathe in the breath of life?
Keep me Jesus, as the apple of Your eye, a valuable treasure. Remind me to stop and breathe, which is self-care and balance. Focus my eyes that I might see how valued I already am, apart from my doing and activity.
Comment and let me hear how God is speaking to you about being the apple of His eye.
No comments:
Post a Comment