Don't Put A Period Where A Comma Ought To Be!

The sudden gasp caught in her throat at the surprise of how cold the water was when it splashed on her face and ran down the front of her dress. The anger of the moment gave her the strength she needed to pull the large bucket up and over the lip of the well, before setting it precariously on the wells edge. It wasn't a big deal, but these days, it didn't take a big deal to thrust her into a firey ball of anger. With a fling of her head and the stomp of her foot, she looked like an unbroken, wild horse, snorting it's emotional response. She quickly looked around to see if her neighbors saw her so clumsily soak herself, and so quickly fly into her rage. Lord knows she couldn't let the other women see her like that! After all, there was enough talk about her already. "Who was this gray haired old woman declaring her own name change from Naomi to Mara; from Pleasant to bitter?" "What happened to her after she left town with her husband Elimlech so many years ago, that caused her to return a dried up; bitter shell of the woman she once was?" Oh . . . Naomi heard the talk. She knew the comments, the questions and the judgements. But, surely she didn't deserve this gossip. Hadn't she suffered enough? She left Bethlehem full and came back empty . . . and it was Gods doing, she was sure of it! He brought this calamity on her . . . and for what? Could she have changed the fact that it was her husband's decision to leave town during the drought? Could she help the fact that Elimelech hadn't consulted God first? NO! Elemelech promised her it would only be temporary. Could she have done anything about the fact that he decided to pull up stakes, leaving their home, their friends, and their family behind? Absolutely NOT, and that's what ticked her off the most! Why had God judged her so harshly? She didn't have one thing to do with any of the decisions that were made on her behalf, nor any of the calamities that befell her family! She was all but forced into leaving the "House of Bread," Bethlehem, as it was so appropriately named, this little town nestled in the midst of the "promised land." An, empty house of bread, that is, because of the drought! This bitterness toward God changed her apprearance so much, that her family and friends hardly knew her! Look at the passage from Ruth 1:19-21.

"So the two of them went on until they came to Bethlehem. When they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them; and the women said, "Is this Naomi?" She said to them, "Call me no longer Naomi, call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt bitterly with me. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty; why call me Naomi when the Lord has dealt harshly with me, and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?"

When we "lean on our own understanding" of our situation (Proverbs 3:5-6) It will always cause us to point the finger of WRONG judgement at God! We often make declarations about God's love for us; God's lack of provision for us; or God's inability to keep His promises toward us. It's in these moments of wrestling with the complexities of earth-dwelling, that we begin to size up for ourselves where God has failed us, and fallen short of our expectations. These judgements are seeds planted deep in our heart, that spring up with a harvest of bitterness. Bitterness changes us into defeated, critical and negative whiners! The kind of people who complain because the ice cream is cold!

Naomi's reality was that yes, she had lost her husband and her sons, a tragic loss for her; calamity had indeed befallen her. But God . . . was in the midst of turning her darkness into light; her mourning in joy; and working together all the clamity the enemy meant for her harm, into HIS glory and HER good! (Romans 8:28) Her problem was that she put a period, where God meant there to be a comma in her life. He was not done yet. He was still working on HIS plan for her life. In fact, we know that God used Naomi to bring about a plan in Ruth's life as well, through which God chose to bless her AND us. For is was through her that eventually Jesus Came to us!

This life offers us many opportunities to give up, to lose our faith, to stop trusting God or to just feel alone and empty. Naomi soon found her reason to rejoice once again. And, although her future didn't make her past go away. It didn't make the sting of the loss of her husband and sons magically disappear . . . it did give her purpose and reason to keep on believing and trusting God and in God's amazing, healing time . . . the pain grew less and she was restored to her former "pleasant" self she had once been. . . turning yet again from Mara to Naomi; from bitterness to Pleasant!

Don't Kick The Cover Off!

Her heart was beating like Congo drums in her ears, as she stole away across the fields she had earlier helped glean. The 'thump, thump, thump,' in her gut was mixed with equal amounts of fear and excitement at what she might soon encounter, but it was the possibility of God's promise of future that kept her pushing on as she stumbled over dirt clods and splintery tufts of unharvested barley. But, finally all the preparation of the day; the bathing, the perfuming, the anointing . . . and certainly, the praying, had brought her to this place. For here she stood standing just inside the darkness, but outside the light of the threshing floor. She was able to watch the activity of those on the night shift guarding the barley harvest, without being noticed, like one who was "casing out" her coming reward. She could almost see, and all but touch, the work God was doing on her behalf.

In this place of tension between the "almost" and the "not yet," she had decisions to make. She could press on, sneak in and cover herself with the hem of his garment, or she could allow all the questions about "how can this be any part of God's plan?" make her turn around and run. Did she have the fortitude and faith to press on when the plan now seemed more ridiculous than righteous? Would she even question now in the cold emptiness on the night hours her very relationship with the Almighty? Or, would she take the risk of being wrong, or worse, being rejected by her intended bridegroom?

As for the Biblical story of Ruth; we know she pressed on. She quietly and humbly slipped in and layed patiently under the covering of the bridegroom's hem, awaiting his approval of her actions. The night must have seemed to go on forever. Those minutes ticking away with the beating of her heart, that tick, tick, tick . . . seemed endless. Listen to the text found in Ruth 3:7b-10a:

Then she came stealthily and uncovered his feet, and lay down. At midnight the man was startled, and turned over, and there, lying at his feet as a woman! He said, "Who are you?" And she answered, "I am Ruth, your servant; spread your cloak over your servant for you are next-of-kin." He said, May you be blessed by the Lord, my daughter; this last instance of your loyalty is better than the first . . . "

Then, the true test was to come. She was wrong about her facts. Boaz was NOT her next of kin, in fact there was another . . . and even after the risk she had just taken, it could be, that he, not Boaz might become her husband. She had to wait once again in the tension of the "almost," but "not yet." What would her waiting be like? Would she fret over "what in the world is God doing?" Would she resort to questioning God's love for her, His acceptance for her, or if His promises are even true? After all, she had been faithful . . . she took a huge risk and did what she felt called to do, and all for what? Why would God create this mess? Didn't God know the facts? Why this wait? Why this moment? Why not just the reward for faithfulness?

Unfortunately and fortunately, this is a story all God's people can relate to, isn't it? The "almost and the not yet." The "yes, but wait" moments of God. Where we are challenged with laying under the hem of His garment patiently, and without question. But, everything seems to be so big to us. Everything is such a crisis of faith. We don't know how to just lay there with out trying to wiggle out from under the very plan and covering of God, that we've prayed for. Ruth, waited. She had no choice, for she was an unwelcome foreigner, with no resort except to trust God. We too, are unwelcome foreigners in this land and we need to learn how to wait and trust without it being a crisis of our faith. It's a crisis of our faith, because we don't have proper perspective. If we had lived through a drought, the death and only provision of a husband, barrenness, rejection of the community of faith around you, hard, long, hours of field work in order to eat . . . we might look differently at those moments of tension between the "almost" and the "not yet." We might actually view them with potential and excitement rather than discouragement and doubt.

Would it be that we would not kick off the covers that God is working to place over us. Would it be that we would lay still, quiet and patient under the working, invisible hand of God as he prepares the garment of praise with which He desires to cover us.

"Up In The Doom Room"

So here they were, all together in one place. Discouraged, defeated, rejected and hated. Tremendous fear about tomorrow, questions about today, and doubt about what they've been believing, and who they had been following, opressed them heavily like a dark cloud of despair. A cloud ready to burst open, emptying its contents of proof, that what they feared most, had truly come upon them. Those disciples gathered together, after Jesus' crucifixion, pressed into one small room. Did the air of depression threaten to choke them to death like automobile exhust fumes in a closed garage? Did they cry? Or were they so overcome with their reality that they were numb? Were they feeling embarrassed and foolish about having swallowed the teachings of Jesus, "hook, line and sinker?" Those words of "Pick up your cross and follow me." (Mark 8:34) Or, "greater things shall you do, because I go to the father?" (John 14:12) Or, "I am the way, the truth and the life." (John 14:6)

Was their reality, at that moment of being huddled together in their secret "doom room," any differnt than the reality we so often find ourselves? A reality brought about by our life in this oppressive world. A world where we desire with all that is in us, to follow Christ with the impecability that ushers in the assurance of hearing one day, "Well done, though good and faithful servant" (Matthew 25:21) So often. . . more often than we would care to admit, we find ourselves in this kind of despair. We question why we try so hard to serve so faithfully, only to realize our dreams "never" come true . . . at least that is the truth the enemy, our adversary sells us "hook, line and sinker!" In those moments of saddness and depression when we could say to ourselves "why so downcast O my soul?" (Psm. 43:5) do we feel like we almost have our hand on reaching something good, only to find it slip away from us . . . never quite getting a hold on it. It's like God is playing some kind of mean trick on us. Now, isn't that exactly the feeling satan wants us to believe? That God would tease and taunt us with some kind of promise of hope, that is more mirage, than the real deal.

But, the book of Acts, chapter 2 teaches clearly that when those downcast disciples were "all together in one place" no doubt praying, it was a moment that ushered in the very real presence of the Holy Ghost, shaking them out of their words of doubt and fear. It caused them to talk differently! It caused them to look differently! Not only could others merely look at them and see that God was present with them, but their words, their testimony was God filled! Their very articulation and message was different. Changed in a split second from words of doubt to words of faith. It changed their reality from death to life . . . but so much more! It changed the world.

When we come to the end of ourselves long enough to be truly sick to death of our current reality, whatever that may be . . . then, we find ourselves in the perfect place for a miracle! We find ourselves truly calling out to the only one who cares for us like non other. And, the only one who can speak life into death. God loves us beyond what we can even think or imagine and He desires to give His children good gifts.

So, Father in Heaven, I pray right now that you fill my house, ME, with the sound of a violent rushing wind from Heaven. The kind of wind that transforms my testimony; changes the way I look, and pierces my heart into repentance. A turn around from despair, doubt and hopelessness to courage, boldness and faithfullness! Amen!!

Out Of The Shadow And Into Clarity

In the valley of the shadow of death, (Psalm 23) great things can happen. In the valley . . . you find out what you're really made of. You find out the true measure of your spiritual depth, and you find out that you are NOT alone! As you walk out of the "shadow," which is really just the perception or allusion of death, but not truly death; one realizes there is a vast green valley with lush fields and gentle streams of life all around you.

Last night, I had such an experience.  After crying on and off for several hours, feeling very alone . . . very "cast off" from God . . . I went to bed. I tossed and turned for 45 minutes and then got back up. I went straight to my office, grabbed a bible and found myself in Revelation, of all places! I love the book of Revelation. It isn't a story of doom and gloom. It's a story of salvation and the strong, powerful arm of God. It's a story of a redeemer who is about to set things straight and fulfill prophetic Word and promises of God. To say nothing of being the only book that comes with a blessing, just for reading it! Anyway, right there in chapter one came the breeze - that began blowing away the shadow that had been blinding me for some months. Read for yourself:

"John, to the seven churches that are in Asia: Grace to you and peace from him who is and who was and who is to come, and from the seven spirits who are before his throne, and from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To him who loves us and freed us from our sins by his blood, and who made us to be a kingdom, priests serving his God and Father, to him be glory and dominion forever and ever, Amen. Look! He is coming with the clouds; every eye will see him, even those who pierced him; and on his account all the tribes of the earth will wail. So it is to be. Amen. I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty."

Wow! What jumped off the page to me was this. Here is a word from Jesus Christ, "the faithful witness" to me . . . I represent one of the 7 churches (seven, being a number of completeness, including the complete church . . . of which, I am one). In Jesus' faithfulness, He speaks to ME. What He has to say was a reminder. He set me free from my sins by His blood. OK, yes . . . but this is the juicy part . . . He set me free in order that I might be something -- do something . . . what you ask? To be a kingdom and a priest! That got me to thinking. What is it, to be a kingdom? As I reflected, I was very impressed that a kingdom simply is a dwelling place of the King, where all his royal subjects worship the Majesty. I am yesterdays "holy habitation" of the Lord. I am NOT cast off! God is not far away . . . in fact, God is dwelling in the land of my heart, my soul, my spirit and I am His priest. Being a priest requires that I be "set apart" that there is something different about me than the rest of the world. That I enter into holy places, on behalf of others and myself. But, that I do so "prepared" to be in that holy place. Sweeping away - all that might separate me from His Royal Majesty; washing away any attitude, any thoughts, any self-delusions and any work of the enemy that might "shadow" His glory, in me!

Dwelling in this awareness brought me to new tears. Tears of refreshment as I realigned my priorities, tears of washing that remove both the speck and the log in my own eye; and tears of renewal as I remembered that I am His princess in the land, not a slum-lord, not a peasant, not a tenant . . . but a princess with an inheritance, a dowry, and a promise! The Alpha and Omega, the Almighty has NOT completed what He began in me. So, I dwell in this space on earth, in the tension between the "here and now" and the "there and then" of time. Until I get there, then . . . I have a job to do. My position as princess of the land, isn't to lay around in self-pity, whining about what I don't have . . . it is to stand strong, and fight the enemies that are crouching at the door and possess the land. Possession always requires a fight!

So, last night I began again the fight that is never over in this life for the territory of my spiritual life; since the adversary is always seeking a crack to squeeze into in order to regain ground. I went back to bed and fell asleep praying in the spirit, both in consciousness and unconsciousness . . . and I awoke seeing beyond the "shadow of death," and into the presence of God!

Why So Downcast O My Soul?

There are days when I wish I could just unzip my heart and head and pour it all out on the table. I'd love to see the cacophony of emotion, feelings, and thoughts dumped out like puzzle pieces . . . but, from the outside. I wonder if I could make sense of it better from that perspective? Am I crazy? Is this a barrage of hormones gone mad, like a ravenous dog infected with rabies, running without direction, ready to snap and bite as though everything and anything were an intrusion into its easily ruffled sensibilities?

Then, always on the heels of this jumbled up mess of emotion comes the question laden guilt. Guilt over how I have a right in the first place to feel so pitiful and downcast, when my best friend has cancer and she isn't complaining. How can I feel so filled with self, when the 14 year old son of mu cousin has cancer, and his faith, to say nothing of her own, is strong and courageous. How dare I feel so alone, when there are women whose husbands are in harms way protecting my freedom, and any moment she could be left alone . . . truly alone. Who am I after all to even entertain this sadness over always having done the "right thing," set the "right example," and responded in the "right way," and the payoff is like a slap in the face. Let me explain.

Years ago, I stayed married to a "drug-loving" man because it was the "right thing to do," if you're a "Christian woman." I finally left that situation after 17 long and painful years, and faced the "scarlet D" (divorce) that the church placed on me. I protected my children from this influence, only to watch them embrace him in their adult years. They all live either in the same house, or the same town . . . sharing Sunday dinners and family holidays together . . . and me? No family, no children, no grandchildren, anywhere close. My dream is being fulfilled by the "bad guy." Why God? I worked 2 and 3 jobs all my life to raise those children without so much as a dime (during those days) from him or anyone else . . . and he gets the pay-off? How is that fair, Lord? Why am I being deprived of the very thing that is the most important to me? Where is justice? Where is my reward? Do I have to wait until heaven to receive it? Because, that stinks!!

Oh, yes . . . it just gets worse. Some think that ministers don't have these shallow, self-absorbed feelings . . . well - we do. Some would think that I'm always so strong, so independent, so self-assured . . . yeah . . . right! I feel like David in Psalm 43. I can imagine he must have felt just like I do right now! He too, was human and yet, he was so beloved by God his creator . . . and so am I! Listen to his words.

"Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause against an ungodly people; from those who are deceitful and unjust, deliver me! For you are the God in whom I take refuge; why have you cast me off? Why must I walk about mournfully because of the oppression of the enemy? O send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling. Then I will go the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy; and I will praise you with the harp O God, my God. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God."

(NRSV)

Get this. Here is David, on one hand he declares that God is a refuge . . . and on the other he declares he is cast off! And, quite frankly, David has had enough! He is no longer going to remain silent about his feelings of God's distance, so David is pouring out his list of grievances before God. He has questions about finding himself so far away from God's holy hill . . . and then, just as he gets that said, he questions his own heart and his own mind by saying; "why so down cast, O my soul." And, vio'la . . . he comes up with the right answer "Put your hope in God."

That is always the right answer when God is silent. It's the right answer when I feel like life has been unfair. It's the right response when I feel downcast and alone. The right answer is ALWAYS to put my hope in God. It's the right answer whether or not I understand it, whether or not I like it, and even more importantly . . . whether I feel the presence of God . . . or not. I put my hope In God!!

David's relationship with his Heavenly Father was close enough to pour out self-pity, but also close enough to know NOT to dwell there long. He knew that to dwell there for any length of time, was to be ensnared by the fowler . . . the enemy . . . satan. Ultimately, don't all those who love the Lord, want to be found pleasing to Him? Of course we do. I certainly do . . . and therefore, I too, know NOT to dwell in self very long . . . because it truly is, willfully stepping into a trap, set exclusively for me, by the one who despises Christ in me.

Lord God, keep me from the snare of the fowler. I put my hope in You and I praise Your name . . . my rock and my redeemer, my help and my God!

The Eyes Of Fall

Something about the colors of fall make my steps lighter, fills me with a sense of well being, and permeates my spirit with joy. It causes me to slow down, inhale the crisp air deep into my lungs, and puts a smile on my face. I drive around with an intense awareness of God's beauty in creation. I marvel at the colors on the mountains; in the trees; in the green, green fields and the yellow, yellows of the soy crops. I am amazed at the multiple colors in a changing tree with turning leaves of green, red, yellow and orange . . . all at the same time, in the same tree! I realize in this season, perhaps more than any other, just how spectacular God is. Just how marvelous is His creation and just how big and grand His works are! I find myself in awe. A place I rarely find myself anymore. To be awe-struck. You know that place don't you? Where you are stopped in your tracks, wide-eyed, jaw-dropped, speechless, you can't fill your eyes enough, and all that comes out is a whisper . . . w-o-w!

What a shame. The season of fall is so short. Why is it that I'm not awe-struck by God's handiwork all year long? What has captured my daily life in such a way, that I seldom notice the beauty of God's creation . . . EVERY season? Oh, don't get me wrong. I love spring nearly as well. O.K. . . I'll admit, I'm not crazy about summer and winter . . . oh, yeah . . . I like that too! But, I don't find myself breathing as deeply, and I don't find myself staring in awe at a tree! I don't find myself pondering deeply about God, when I wipe the sweat from my brow.

So, what is it about ME, that causes me to not look as deeply, with the same appreciation for my Creator, every day, and every season of the year? Why am I able to carry on with "daily living" and not notice or take into account the marvelousness of the one who created and is creating?

Isaiah 42:20 says

"You have seen many things, but you do not observe them. Your ears are open, but none hears."

My prayer today is; Lord, God . . . give me eyes to see YOU daily. Give me ears to hear You speak! Isn't it the greatest cry of my heart to be an observer of the things and the ways and the beauty of God? YES!! And yet, I realize that it's up to me to look intently until I see, and to listen quietly and patiently UNTIL I hear! And, since patience is a fruit of the spirit, along with self-control; then I already have the ability to accomplish the task of having eyes to see and ears to hear.

And so . . . I realize that I must practice being a "fall" person every day and not lie down to rest until I can claim that I've seen the Lord!

Cave Dwelling

Yesterday, I listened to a sermon and as I sat there, I was no longer listening to the speaker. Instead I was getting lost in a moment of reflecting on the text. For a moment, I was hearing from heaven and God was speaking to me. God revealed an area of my life to be cautious about. An area of my life to be warned against and a new challenge to practice. The sermon was based on the scripture from I Samuel 22:1-5 which reads:

So David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam. Soon his brothers and all his other relatives joined him there. Then others began coming—men who were in trouble or in debt or who were just discontented—until David was the captain of about 400 men. Later David went to Mizpeh in Moab, where he asked the king, “Please allow my father and mother to live here with you until I know what God is going to do for me.” So David’s parents stayed in Moab with the king during the entire time David was living in his stronghold. One day the prophet Gad told David, “Leave the stronghold and return to the land of Judah.” So David went to the forest of Hereth. (New Living Translation)

Saul is seeking to kill David who has resorted to hiding out in caves. I'm sure that he feels alone, abandoned, and rejected. In chapter 21 we read that God sends a friend, Jonathan who comforts him. But, he isn't alone long. In short order 400 "grumpy-old-men" join him. Folks who are unhappy, discontent, running from their own debt. The debt could be financial as in a loan; or maybe they just want to get out from under the debt owed to someone who helped them in the past, but now they realize they will never stop owing their benefactor. They realize they will forever pay with their own kidney! You know the kind of debt I speak of, right? Can you imagine be surrounded by 400 unhappy, complaining, whining, belly-aching folks that you might think even Jesus couldn't make happy! Well, this is the lot that has surrounded him . . . and even worse . . . many are family!

I bet David longed for the days when the cave was filled with just the encouragement of one dear friend, instead of this brood of troubled souls. David finds it necessary to hide out his own parents for safe keeping, but is still counting on God for help. He's still expecting God to get him out of this fix!

Then, God sends the prophet Gad to speak to David, and I find his words truly marvelous. He said, "David, get up out of this stronghold, and don't return to it again." Wow! That statement struck me powerfully this morning.

You see, I've retreated to that cave before. And in fact, I know that cave all too well. I have retreated to that cave . . . alone . . . isolated . . . feeling rejected . . . as a means of self protection and shelter, several times in my life. And, I've found that in no short order, the enemy has supplied me with as many grumbling, unhappy, miserable people to join me in the midst of my cave dwelling and I could stand! Satan will always supply you with equally miserable people!

But, God doesn't want us to dwell there. He did not create us to dwell in caves, instead He expects us to be vulnerable desert dwellers, who depend on Him, trust in Him, and find our oasis in HIM! You won't find an oasis in a cave in the dark. Instead, God wants us to get up out of "our" places of shelter . . . our caves that turn into strongholds. Places where . . . OK, we may be secure, where maybe no one can hurt us from this vantage point . . . but these caves of security often become our own self-created strongholds! We become trapped in the snare of the fowler . . . and the fowler is satan, our enemy.

So, God told David to get up out of that stronghold, and He's told me the same thing. God didn't rescue David out of the stronghold, he told David to get out of it so he COULD be rescued by God . . . and he was!

I'm aware that I need to be careful of my times of cave dwelling, as they may be more of a hindrance to me than I ever imagine!